Speculator

Why does the unobtainable although possibly unsuitable become an obsessional plague in its own right. 

Why do people challenge themselves and rise over extreme lengths to divulge in the potentially unnecessary. 

Why does the chance of adversity become an acceptance when dream chasing comes into play? 

Risk not or want not. Only those willing to take a leap of faith will step forth in life. As they say, nothing worth having comes easy. 

Hope

Have you ever felt you're falling 3 times faster than gravity with only you in your reckless, principle-broken mind to break the fall? 

This, while simultaneously trying to grab and digress because of hopeless disgust and disgusting hope. 

Two minds one head, one fall no breaks. 

Maybe running into oblivion and ignorance would be a better bet. That way if someone trips and breaks you along the way you'd at least stop.

Ambition

He cracks his cane hard against her baby soft skin; slips it away only to leave a fine crease, a minute dent in the skin. Pain, only unbearable for a second.

His heart sinks.

Her heart shrivels.

Hers, as if pulled away and suck off it's life form. His, stricken with anger; now, regretful of his act. She was only 9.

She screams. The thin line that separates love and hate, laughter and pain, lesson and hurt.

He grabs her. Throws her over his shoulder in sweet sorrow. Puts her down in her soft bed and caresses her. By her bed, documents labeled 'urgent' in bold red, torn to shreds. Blue, black, green, red pens, scattered, tips uncapped;some leaving stains on the new woollen carpet.

She looks at it, tears escaping from the corner of her eyes.

"I only wanted to draw"

He pulls her close. His sight blurry from tears rapidly welling up. He tucks her blanket in The space between her little self and the silk sheet.


The unfortunate paradox of learning through pain.

Heart of Steel

He strikes hard as his sword 'clinks' against his heavy armour. A mixture of bloodsweattearsmightandanger. He battles on - every last feint of strength soaring through his veins.

His legs weary. His stomach gripping. His lips parched.
Night and day. No rest for the wanted. No rest for the weak.

Suddenly, a gush of blood stains the sand below his feet. A soaring pain shoots across his belly like a saw to a tree. Like waking up before the ending of a happy dream. Like losing a 100m race by a millisecond.

He turns around and falls to the ground only to catch a glimpse of his prosecutor. He fought hard to resist only to fall and catch his last breath.

Twas the end of his 50 year reign. His body is weak but his mind is gold.

Nervosa

She looked in the mirror and proceedes to turn away from the mere shame and disregard for herself and her flesh and blood. Tears streamed incessantly. Mind spaced out and foggy. Her abdomen - cramped with hunger.

To her, an imperfect body reflects an imperfect person. Perfection in her eyes was an imperfection of the norm. Bones framed her tiny build. Slight, some people might say. She looks out of the window. The cold, damp weather - unkind and overbearing. Like the torrentious draft of wind that shudders her down to the bone.

Tired and weary. Emaciated and Pulverised.

10 years passed. Slowly.
The battle was gradually and then suddenly lifted. Like a sharp piercing bolt of light through the darkest nights.

It finally occured to her.

As the facade she clung onto wittled away, she gathered steam and reached out for help.
All that's left now is a scarred face..

Maybe..

He spoke and looked back into his exorbitant, unconscionable past only to recover the inexplicable ways of torment and gross surreality. His mind loose and weary from that final anticipatory hit. Brown, his friends called it. He clenches his fist and holds his head in his hand, hard.

Across, a mere acquaintance captivated and stunned with empathy and compassion. Bleeding into the fixation of these horrifying events. Events, un-erasable, brutal to say the least. His stepfather.

Young as he was, threatened to silence.

Maybe his mother was to blame in all of this. Maybe his father should have stuck by. Maybe his brother deserved less to never have left home. Maybe his guts failed him when it mattered the most.

Maybe he was just a number in all of this and time was up. Destiny had been unfair to him.

He cracked and tore himself up. Memories of unprecedented neglect and deprivation. Feeble in pride. Unfortunately, too proud at heart. A huge bump in the road will slowly be mended. Therapy and de-abandonment for shovels and sticks. A spark of faith.

The battle, not won yet but is due, in time.
The words 'candor dat viribus alas' echoed in his head.

Sincerity gives wings to strength.. Strength gives wings to courage.

Lose the number.

The Revival

Oh my gosh! It's been ages since i last visited my blog and even longer than ages since i last published anything on it.. i feel sorry for my blog.. and for my little pet monkey hanging around the page..haven't even fed him in a year..

Anyhoos, i'm going to try and revive my blog by publishing at least 2 entries a month.. see.. so realistic! haha My blog has been dead for such a long time i don't even know if anyone visits my blog anymore.. sad but true..

Over the past year, i..
1) have had multiple panic attacks from the previous exam
2) had a fungal infection behind and at the sides of both my knees
3) shivered my ass off during winter
4) bought a bicycle, used it 3 times, kept it for 6 months and finally got Andrew to sell it off
5) went to Amsterdam.. haha.
6) rode the Nottingham Eye (yep it's the Nottingham version of the London Eye, it's probably 10 times smaller)
7) went to Singapore.. again..:)
8) met a whole lot of new friends :)
9) joined the gym to increase my fitness levels
10) developed this irritating patch of pimples on my forehead
11) learnt that life is spiraling towards a monotonous black boring hole
12) realised that my true ambition is to marry a rich man, work at the hospital part time and the rest of the time, do nothing but shop and meet up with my friends.
13) lost my favourite and v expensive watch.. sigh..
14) drove over a white kitten in the highway.. ( it appeared out of nowhere..it has been a year ago and i still am reminded of it till now :( )
15) became older.. sigh

One would expect to have done more than that over the course of the year.. but heck my memory is that of a goldfish.. I'm proud of myself for remembering all of that :)